I'll never understand why the most uncomfortable and undesirable place to be is usually where the universe is telling you you're “suppose” to be at. I'd say I'm like a nomad but that would make me sound kind of like a cool hippie drifting around doing her thing, when really I'm just drifting. Pathetically really. In the past 5 years I have moved approximately 7 times. Shit goes down and I get out. I hate dealing with anything, I'd rather pack up my good 'ol 93 nissan, Stella, and move on. But I'm tired of picking up my life and rearranging everything so it's time for a new approach. I call it “suck it up.”
When you're little and your mom makes a sarcastic remark about your grandmother or slightly implies that grandma is irritating, it is shocking. Grandmas are all about the fun. When you're little anyway. Then you grow up, move in with grandma and suddenly you wonder how your mother ever survived growing up with her and remaining somewhat sane. Or maybe that's just my story. Baby son and I moved in with my grandmother just recently so that I could focus on finishing school. It's been about 4 months and I feel like a stripper who just sobered up and realized she was in the wrong line of business a pile of plastic surgery bills too late. I just picked up my entire life and moved in here after thinking it over for all of a day, got a new job, enrolled at school, blah blah blah just in time to realize my grandmother and I drive each other absolutely insane. She's a control freak who always has to be right and oh yea, I'm a control freak who always has to be right.
I know this is the responsible thing to do. Finish school, get out of the god awful restaurant business, get a good job and be able to support my son and I. Responsible plan. Of course I've had plans before, good ones. I'm the shit at coming up with really practical things to do, I suck at the follow through. There's always that moment in the plan where I freak out and throw it all away.
So here's to fresh starts, being responsible, sticking to it and not selling my soul or sacrificing my sanity in the process.