Thursday, August 11, 2011

Somewhere Between Lonely And Dating, There's Me


I come from a generation where the idea of “dinner and a movie” has long since been replaced by too much alcohol and a sketchy night on someone else's couch. Where a goodnight kiss use to be in order there is now the awkward good morning as you're making your escape, preferably without eye contact. I'd ask where has the romance gone...but I'm pretty sure the word “romance” has lost all meaning anyway.

No, I'm not bitter, I'm really not. I'm just mourning the loss of a fantasy pop culture snatched away from Generation X with Britney Spears music videos and the invention of “teen soaps.”

I've never been good at dating, I went straight from lectures about not dating until you were ready to get married to one night stands. However now that I'm a single mom I find myself re-evaluating the concept of dating. I've bid farewell to my wild days but it's far too late to say hello to old school courtships. So what's left? Fitting in a date between chasing around a toddler, attempting an education, and work? Do I really what to sacrifice the short time I have to just sit in front of the tv, eating my weight in chocolate, and letting my mind turn to mush and replace it with flirty small talk, push up bras, and awkwardness?

I hate dating because I don't understand it at all. I suck at all of that, and I suck at it ten times more now that I'm a Mom. I'm not boring, but I'm not exactly exciting either at this point, at least not to anyone above 4 feet. I can't even see myself having sex with the lights on, like ever. God forbid someone see what motherhood has done to my ass.

I miss being 15, waiting for my first kiss. I miss the possibility of taking it slow. I miss getting excited about a relationship instead of feeling dread at the thought of having one more thing that drains my energy.

I know it'll get better though, I've been single for about a year and 9 months now (basically since right after I got pregnant) and although I'm finally starting to feel like I might possibly be open to the idea of a date or two I also know that there's no reason to rush into anything. What is the pressure with being in a relationship anyway? I don't understand why everybody is always “looking” if they're single, when did the idea of being single (which does not mean being alone by the way!) for an extended amount of time become so tragic?

Yes, I'm kind of trying to convince myself here. But honestly, I don't want to be one of those people who dates just to date, or gets in a relationship just to be able to change their Facebook relationship status. I'd rather wait until I find someone who makes me feel 15 again. Who makes me actually WANT to forgo a night of Grey's Anatomy reruns. So until that person moseys on into my life, I'll keep doing what I'm doing. There's something to be said for not having to shave your whole body anyway.

4 comments:

  1. I have never been good about dating. When I was younger I would decide on the second date that I was in a relationship with the person, so I never really dated, I jumped from one relationship to another. Not healthy! New follower from bloggy mom, have a great evening! You can find me at

    http://wvfrugal-wvsaver.blogspot.com/

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  2. New Follower from bloggy mom. So glad I've found your blog!

    I'm married now (not to my eldest sons dad he walked out when i was pregnant) but a lot of what you said took me back to a time when I was in your shoes. Thinking and feeling everything you expressed in your post.

    The thing with being a single mum is that it gives you a strong idea of the sort of person you can and want to love. I think all single mums linger in that place between lonliness and dating. And why would you want to put yourself through the hassle of dating only to find out they're a douchebag.

    Good on you for keeping on keeping on...everything always works out in the end.

    My blog is EvolutionParenting.com. Would love to connect.

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  3. New follower from the hop really great post. Dating sucks sorry but it's true. We have no romance left...for Pete's sake men don't even hold doors open for women anymore. when your not looking for it is when it finds you. Hope you can come by and check out my site

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  4. Ack. I can completely relate to this, I am also a single mom, and it's never easy, and I still don't feel like dating after almost 3 years of being single. =/

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