I come from a generation where the idea of “dinner and a movie” has long since been replaced by too much alcohol and a sketchy night on someone else's couch. Where a goodnight kiss use to be in order there is now the awkward good morning as you're making your escape, preferably without eye contact. I'd ask where has the romance gone...but I'm pretty sure the word “romance” has lost all meaning anyway.
No, I'm not bitter, I'm really not. I'm just mourning the loss of a fantasy pop culture snatched away from Generation X with Britney Spears music videos and the invention of “teen soaps.”
I've never been good at dating, I went straight from lectures about not dating until you were ready to get married to one night stands. However now that I'm a single mom I find myself re-evaluating the concept of dating. I've bid farewell to my wild days but it's far too late to say hello to old school courtships. So what's left? Fitting in a date between chasing around a toddler, attempting an education, and work? Do I really what to sacrifice the short time I have to just sit in front of the tv, eating my weight in chocolate, and letting my mind turn to mush and replace it with flirty small talk, push up bras, and awkwardness?
I hate dating because I don't understand it at all. I suck at all of that, and I suck at it ten times more now that I'm a Mom. I'm not boring, but I'm not exactly exciting either at this point, at least not to anyone above 4 feet. I can't even see myself having sex with the lights on, like ever. God forbid someone see what motherhood has done to my ass.
I miss being 15, waiting for my first kiss. I miss the possibility of taking it slow. I miss getting excited about a relationship instead of feeling dread at the thought of having one more thing that drains my energy.
I know it'll get better though, I've been single for about a year and 9 months now (basically since right after I got pregnant) and although I'm finally starting to feel like I might possibly be open to the idea of a date or two I also know that there's no reason to rush into anything. What is the pressure with being in a relationship anyway? I don't understand why everybody is always “looking” if they're single, when did the idea of being single (which does not mean being alone by the way!) for an extended amount of time become so tragic?
Yes, I'm kind of trying to convince myself here. But honestly, I don't want to be one of those people who dates just to date, or gets in a relationship just to be able to change their Facebook relationship status. I'd rather wait until I find someone who makes me feel 15 again. Who makes me actually WANT to forgo a night of Grey's Anatomy reruns. So until that person moseys on into my life, I'll keep doing what I'm doing. There's something to be said for not having to shave your whole body anyway.